Closure
by MMJade
Summary: Luke tries to move on after the death of his wife Mara. Inspired by "Some Nights" by fun.


_**CLOSURE**_

PG-13

*Warning* Character death.

Disclaimers are all the usuals about how I don't own Star Wars or make money from it in any way.

DESCRIPTION: After reading the travesty that is "Sacrifice" (which makes even "Children Of The Jedi" seem like a great read), I was left completely unsatisfied with the outcome. Aside from the asinine & contrived way that Karen Traviss killed my favorite character, I was completely annoyed by how little Luke seemed to care about it at all - I guess his emotions about the whole thing were supposed to be conveyed by his sudden uncharacteristic thirst for vengeance before finding out the truth? But I digress. I wanted to write something that would display how Luke would feel about losing his wife & the effects it had on him.

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_**Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck**_

_**Some nights I call it a draw**_

_**Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle**_

_**Some nights I wish they'd just fall off**_

_**But I still wake up, I still see your ghost**_

_**Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for**_

_**What do I stand for?**_

_**What do I stand for?**_

_**Most nights I don't know anymore...**_

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Luke Skywalker woke from his nightmare abruptly.

He ran a shaky hand through his hair as he sat up & tried to catch his breath, shivering in a cold sweat. He never slept through the night anymore...not since...

He couldn't bear to look at the empty side of the too-large bed, feeling his heart drop to his stomach with the knowledge that his beautiful wife wasn't there. Instead he stood & made his way to the refresher. Flipping the light on, he took a long look at himself in the mirror. There were hardly any traces left of the idealistic farmboy he'd once been; the deep lines across his face showed his fatigue & held untold stories of war, both current & long past. His entire adult life had been war - how could anybody understand what that was like? But one person HAD understood. She had always known exactly how he felt because she had been right there with him in nearly every battle, fighting by his side. And now she was gone, & everything had turned out so differently than he had imagined it...

As he turned on the tap & splashed the cool water in his face, he marveled at how the liquid felt against his skin. Even after all these years, he appreciated the luxury of an unlimited supply of water. The thought made his mind wander to Tatooine, the long days under the hot suns, & how he dreamed of joining his friends in the Rebellion, how he'd sneak out at night to gaze at the stars & wonder what sort of adventures lay just beyond his grasp. He had longed to be a part of a cause, to belong to something bigger than himself. He snorted bitterly. Now the stars were just that - stars. Nothing more. No promise of adventure, no imagination of things to come...now they felt more like a prison of duty. Back then, he thought the most important thing was leaving. He'd been so eager to get off of the rock he'd called home since childhood, not wanting to waste his life as a lonely, dried up farmer on an outer rim planet...but now as he reflected on his youth he found himself almost missing those days. He'd been so innocent once. It almost seemed absurd now to have abandoned his former life for the one he led now. He had left his home-planet because he didn't want to wind up alone, & now he was just that. It seemed an inevitable fate for him. At that thought, his mind forced him back to the present, & the nightmare he'd just awoken from.

"Mara," Luke groaned her name as he squeezed his eyes shut & tried to picture her delicate face. It seemed like the more time passed the harder it was to remember all her little details - the glimmer in her emerald green eyes that was always reserved only for him, the gentle lines that had begun to form around the corners of her mouth when she'd smile...

Since he'd lost her, he found it hard to remember why he had traded in his old life on Tatooine for this one. *What do I even stand for anymore?* The question floated through his mind in a mocking sort of way. Most nights he didn't even know WHAT was worth fighting for anymore. The whole galaxy had turned upside down since the Vong war, & he couldn't seem to find any sense of purpose in it all. The very people he had served so diligently through the years had turned against him in many cases, & it seemed that even though he had given them everything, had sold his soul for them, they always found him lacking. Nothing was ever enough. They always found reasons to hate him, & it seemed there was always someone standing by willing to take the credit for his accomplishments.

*What do I stand for?*

He would wrestle over the question in his mind for hours on end, night after night - some nights, like tonight, he would chalk it all up to bad luck, & other nights he would remember all of the good he had done & the victories that had brought people freedom...but at what cost? The lives of those he cared most for. Those nights he could at least try to call it even. Tonight, no matter how hard he tried to think of the good he had done, the death of his Mara didn't seem to be worth any of it at all.

He wished this would all end already; war had destroyed his family, & he couldn't bear the thought of losing anyone else he cared for. His heart ached & a sense of guilt flooded over him as he thought of Han & Leia & the loss they had suffered over the last several years as well. First Chewbacca...then Anakin...Jacen's fall to the dark side & then his death at the hand of their only remaining child, his twin sister Jaina. Luke remembered the last time he had seen Jacen, & how amazed he had been at the things that could come from such terrible lies of the enemy. It had been Jacen, his own nephew, his own blood, that had taken Mara from him.

Luke sniffed & wiped the back of his hand across his eyes - when had he started crying? Opening the cabinet above the sink, he pulled out the small orange bottle that contained his sleep meds. He quickly gulped down twice the recommended dosage & took a few deep breaths, using the Force to help them break down in his blood stream immediately. He began to feel the effects of the drug creep up on him, & he stumbled back to the bedroom, eyelids heavy.

He slid into bed, pulling the blankets around him tightly & rolling to face the middle of the bed, instinctively extending his arm to wrap around -

His eyes snapped open as his hand met soft flesh.

Luke gazed dumbstruck at the back of the woman sleeping soundly next to him, the fiery red-gold curls splayed across her bare shoulders rising & falling with her breathing. He suddenly felt like his heart had stopped beating, & he closed his eyes tightly for a few seconds, expecting that she would disappear by the time he opened them again.

But he opened his eyes & there she was.

"Mara?" he whispered, his voice shaky even in his own ears.

She stirred & let out a little sigh as she rolled over to face him, smiling lazily as she blinked the sleep out of her eyes. "Hi baby," she purred, "I was wondering when you would make it back to bed."

Luke's eyes filled with tears & he couldn't seem to find his voice again as she reached out & caressed his cheek with her thumb. "H-how...?" he stuttered finally, "I - I miss you SO much..." His tears flowed freely now & he wrapped his strong arms around her & pulled her close to him, wanting so badly to feel her skin against his once more.

"Oh, sweetheart, don't cry," Mara soothed, "I miss you too. More than you could ever know." Her heart broke as she listened to his gentle sobs, & she longed to ease his pain. "Please don't cry," she whispered as she stroked his back & held him as she'd always done before.

"Mara, I can't do it without you," Luke managed to choke out through the tears, "I've been so lonely since you've been gone...you're the only one I ever felt like myself around, the only one who made me sure of who I am. And now...now I don't know what to do...& I'm so scared that you'll forget me..."

She pressed a gentle kiss to his collarbone where she was nestled into the curve of his neck. "That could never be, Luke," she reassured him, lovingly planting kisses along his neckline, "No matter what happens to us, even though we are separated by this life & the next, you will always be my only love. I could never forget you. But you have to be strong now; you have to be there for your family now. They need you."

Her words seemed to comfort him a little - his tears had turned to sharp breaths, but he couldn't release his grip on her. "I had the most terrible dream," he whispered, tangling his fingers in her long hair as he remembered, "I dreamed that we were back on Myrkr...all those years ago...only, I told you back then how much I love you...but you didn't listen. Everything else played out exactly like our lives, but we kept our distance, & we never got married." He swallowed over the lump in his throat, unsure if he could continue: "And you were...still alive...because of it. Because you never married me." His voice broke & he began to sob again, tightening his grip on her even more. "Oh, sweetheart, it's all my fault," he sobbed, "it's all my fault that you're gone. If only I had seen what Jacen had become...it should have been me, I should have been the one to face him-"

"Stop." Mara's voice was quiet, but stern as she pulled away slightly to take his chin in her hands & look him square in the eye. "None of this is your fault. It was the will of the Force that we had our time together, & it was the will of the Force that I should go & you should stay. I loved every second of my life with you - you gave me the love & the family that I never thought I could ever have. You are everything to me, & I would not change one thing about our lives together. We're only apart for a little while - one day, you'll join me & we'll be together again, but now is not the time. Not yet."

Luke felt a peace deep within that he hadn't felt since he'd lost her, & as he looked into the depths of those emerald eyes he knew that she was right. He ran his fingers through her hair, brushing aside a stray lock that had fallen across her face. He wanted to memorize everything about her features - he knew that this was the last time he would hold her in his arms again. "I love you Mara," he said quietly, gently brushing his lips over hers, reveling in her sweet taste.

"I love you too, Luke," she whispered back, kissing him softly one last time.

His eyelids began to droop closed, & Luke knew that sleep had come to claim him. He knew that this time, it would be peaceful & free of nightmares, & that he would wake refreshed in the morning. "Mara?" he whispered, his voice thick with sleep as his eyes finally closed.

"Yes, love."

"Please stay. Stay until...until I..." - he yawned - "until I'm...asleep."

She couldn't help the smile that tugged the corners of her lips, & she nestled deeper into his grasp. "I'll be here," she whispered. But she knew he hadn't heard her; his breathing was deep & even, & she knew that he would be okay.

Everything would be okay.


End file.
